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English Is A Funny Language

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There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple... English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

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another exaple is that GHOTI kinda spells fish

That is why english as a second language sucks for anyone who tries. :lol::hehe:

@Dark Ranger, thanks mate. :) I had a good one the other day to add to it; but I can't think of it now. :mellow:

Something with precents and numbers... :unsure: Oh well.

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i got a whole e-mail about double meanings of words in english before.. no wonder why its so hard for foreigners to learn.. just an example off the top of my head:

Polish the Polish furniture.

spelled the same, but quite different meanings and pronounced differently as well :o

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another exaple is that GHOTI kinda spells fish

That is why english as a second language sucks for anyone who tries. :lol::hehe:

@Dark Ranger, thanks mate. :) I had a good one the other day to add to it; but I can't think of it now. :mellow:

Something with precents and numbers... :unsure: Oh well.


All the tenses..the conjugations....drove me mad when I started studying it.


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Nice work Ruin and Supersniper

And at Tyovan

I think you mean furniture polish (word order).

Thank ya...

And Ty has it right:

Go polish the Polish (from Poland) furniture. :)

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It's like when you fill a cup up to halfway with water, it's both half full and half empty. Half full with water, and half empty of water. It's also half full of air and half empty of air....

Also, when you hang something up, it hangs down....

Also, another thing that annoys me about English:- on fly killing spray it says "Kills Bugs Dead". If they're killed they're dead, and if they're dead they're killed....death and killed means the same thing, so how can you kill bugs dead?

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Because i was bored i looked up some oxymorons (didn't take too long actually):

Act naturally - Extra money - Rap music

Advanced BASIC - Found missing - Religious tolerance

Airline food - Freezer burn - Resident alien

Almost exactly - Genuine imitation - Safe sex

Alone together - Good grief - Same difference

Black light - Government organization - Sanitary landfill

British fashion - Jumbo Shrimp - Sense of Congress

Business ethics - Legally drunk - Silent scream

Butt head - Living dead - Small crowd

California culture - Marijuana initiative - Soft rock

Childproof - Microsoft Works - Software Documentation

Christian Scientists - Military intelligence - Sweet sorrow

Civil War - More perfect - Synthetic natural gas

Clearly misunderstood - New classic - Taped live

Computer jock - "Now, then ..." - Temporary tax increase

Computer security - Passive aggression - Terribly pleased

Definite maybe - Peace force - Tight slacks

Democratic Leadership - Plastic glasses - Twelve-ounce pound cake

Diet ice cream - Political science - Working vacation

Exact estimate - Pretty ugly

there are some more but i don't want to llok them up. Lol microsoft works, such an oxymoron

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  • 3 weeks later...

Stupid language.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

Show me a piano falling on an Army Camp, and I'll show you a flat major.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. (sorry Shenk)

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.


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