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Ninja Skillz


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When playing Modern Warfare 1 I go through a cycle. I start out totally failing, I have a few short moments of glory, sometimes even making the top of the roster with over 100 kills, then back to failing. I'm going to skip the parts about failing, missing easy targets, and dropping a grenade instead of using my knife, and tell you a short story about how epic I am.

So I'm playing on the Crash map and there are at least four tangos holed up in the big three-story building. I run up the outside stairwell with my AKS74U and M1911 SD, mowing down one tango as he runs into me on the stairs. I run inside, plant a claymore facing the stairs up to the top floor, then run upstairs to meet somewhere around thirty-seven enemies all armed with sniper rifles and machine guns. I shoot one of them, but remember that this is CoD -- it didn't kill him.

I'd like to be able to say that I planned all of this with my awesome strategic mind, but either I really did plan it and just can't remember or it was just dumb luck. Regardless, I ran down the stairs actually yelling (thank heavens I wasn't on Teamspeak) as a horde of serial killers on my tail. Suddenly something clicks and a grin spreads across my face. In my mind, this simple equation appears:

Stairs + Claymore at end of stairs + hordes of enemies running down stairs blindly chasing me = Ingenious Ambush

I quickly dash down the stairs, throw myself across an overturned table, and aim my sights at the doorway leading upstairs. Sure enough, an enemy runs straight down firing his RPD on fully automatic.

KABLOOEY!!! Scratch another one.

Another one comes down behind him and I put seven subsonic 9mm rounds into his head. I run back upstairs into my newly conquered command post and, to my dismay, begin taking fire from a helicopter. Thankfully, a Minigun firing 7.62mm rounds isn't fatal in this game so I survived with a few minor scratches and bruises. After hearing footsteps and the switching of weapons, I look over the edge of the three-story building and see an enemy shooting at one of my friends from the floor just below me! I step back from the wall, glance at my claymore set at the stairwell, then hurtle off the side of the building.

I land behind the enemy without him noticing me. He kills my teammate, then runs down the stairs to engage another Marine across the street. I follow him, slashing with my knife but missing because of his swiftness. Suddenly I manage to accidentally hit the spacebar and I involuntarily throw myself off the stairs and on top of the enemy soldier's head.

Uh oh.

He swings around, firing his machine gun all around my head. After doing some break-dancing and emptying my magazine I land a lucky hit with my knife, laying my aggressor flat on the ground. Kill confirmed.

I drag myself back into the building, suffering from about thirty rounds of lead in my body and a red flashing screen. Fortunately I recover in about 3.5 seconds and set up position in the window. I check my radar and see a mass of red diamonds approaching me. I have nowhere to run and my claymores have been used up. I load my last magazine into my MP5 and dive out of the window, straight into a group of three enemies. I gun down the first one. I take a shot from the second. I dive behind cover then pop up on the other side, shredding the second target. The third one runs around the corner and I decide to run for cover in a nearby building. While being followed by the escapee, I run inside and spot a claymore on the stairs. Pulling out my pistol I destroy the explosive device, pop a flashbang into the upstairs room, then rush in, MP5 at the ready. As I sprint through the door everything goes into slow motion -- I see a rigged claymore to my left, an enemy sniper staring at me directly forward, and an open window to my right. I see that my only chance is to jump over the claymore's blast, shoot the sniper in midair before falling back to the ground and becoming vulnerable for a vital moment, then spin myself out of the window to safety before the enemy I failed to eliminate shoots me as he comes through the door.

The claymore detonates and I go flying into the wall, collapsing in a puddle of my own blood. I recall rage-quitting sometime shortly after that episode.

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