Football on TV (What do I need to Know)

[Whisper_44]

So I've been invited to watch the Scotland/Italy match on Saturday morning (here in the US), my mate is from Perth, and Football is his life, up early on Sundays playing with the rest of the Euro's that emigrated here, Anyhow, I played Soccer, when I was a kid, but admit that watching on TV has never been my thing.

So What do I need to know about the game, and watching it on TV with a bunch of rabid football fanatics? I don't want to be a know it all, but would like to be able to sound a tad intelligent. (Yes I realize that's a huge departure from the norm)

Help me out?

[Rocky]

All you need to know is this is Scotland's biggest game for many many years and we plan on winning it. Which, for Scotland, means making a right dogs dinner of it and going out in the exact fashion indicated by the teams respective world rankings.

Putting common sense aside though (which you have to do with Scotland), we're going to win, we already beat Frnace (twice) now we are gonna take Italy on and win infront of a totally mental home support.

Oh yeh, back to the question then, what do you need to do, here it is mate, print it out and sing along, seriously your Perth mate will be well impressed when you join with 40 or 50,000 scots

O Flower of Scotland,

When will we see

Your like again,

That fought and died for,

Your wee bit Hill and Glen,

And stood against him,

Proud Edward's Army,

And sent him homeward,

Tae think again.

The Hills are bare now,

And Autumn leaves

lie thick and still,

O'er land that is lost now,

Which those so dearly held,

That stood against him,

Proud Edward's Army,

And sent him homeward,

Tae think again.

Those days are past now,

And in the past

they must remain,

But we can still rise now,

And be the nation again,

That stood against him,

Proud Edward's Army,

And sent him homeward,

Tae think again.

0 Flower of Scotland,

When will we see

your like again,

That fought and died for,

Your wee bit Hill and Glen,

And stood against him,

Proud Edward's Army,

And sent him homeward,

Tae think again.

SCOTLAND!!!!!!

SCOTLAND!!!!!!

SCOTLAND!!!!!!

[Whisper_44]

Thanks Rocky.. I'll pass it along, and learn it like my own!!

I grabbed a bottle of Famous Grouse as well, to take along!

[krise madsen]

A few basic rules:

- Never, ever, refer to the kilt as a "skirt".

- Unless he's blatantly biased towards the Scotland side, the referee is a ######.

- A "striker" isn't actually allowed to strike anyone. And he's not on strike either. (he's an offensive player whose primary task is to score goals rather than preventing the opposing team from doing so).

- There are no timeouts, breaks for commercials or 2 minute warning in soccer. You really should have gone to the little boys room before you sat down.

- There are no play reviews in soccer. Which is unfortunate since the referee is a ######.

- A "tackle" is when the defender touches the ball before touching the opponent, even if the opponent falls over the defenders legs afterwards. A "foul" is when the defender hits the opponent before the ball. Also, everything that the referee doesn't see is a tackle.

- The two line referees are sort of assistant referees and their primary job is to look out for off-side situations (more on that later). They are essentially two pairs of extra eyes for the referee. So they're ######s too.

- The off-side rule was introduced to keep games from becoming boring. No, really. It basically means that you cannot just run down to the opponents goal and wait for a long pass. You have to have a defending player (besides the goalie) between you and the goal, at the exact point in time when the ball is passed to you. In reality, the rule was introduced to make life miserable on everyone. Off-side rulings are among the most contested rulings in any game. They are primarily called by the line referees. And they're #######.

- If Scotland wins, it's because they're great team with great players. If Scotland looses, it's because the referee is a ######.

- When in doubt, the referee is a ######.

Respectfully

krise madsen

PS: Completely useless trivia sidenote:

The British royal anthem "God save the Queen" (or God Save the King) as it was known back then) was actually written to boost the morale of the English people, as at that time Scottish troops were advancing south, pwning English troops along the way. However, the situation was rather dramtically reversed soon after, effectively ending any Scottish aspirations of gaining independence through force of arms.

Still, if you ever see a Scotsman with a smug grin on his face when "God Save the Queen" is played, it's because he knows it really means "Oh noes, teh Scots are coming!"

Edited November 16, 2007 by Tinker

[Whisper_44]

Thnask krise..

[WhiteKnight77]

A few basic rules:

- Never, ever, refer to the kilt as a "skirt".

- Unless he's blatantly biased towards the Scotland side, the referee is a ######.

- A "striker" isn't actually allowed to strike anyone. And he's not on strike either. (he's an offensive player whose primary task is to score goals rather than preventing the opposing team from doing so).

- There are no timeouts, breaks for commercials or 2 minute warning in soccer. You really should have gone to the little boys room before you sat down.

- There are no play reviews in soccer. Which is unfortunate since the referee is a ######.

- A "tackle" is when the defender touches the ball before touching the opponent, even if the opponent falls over the defenders legs afterwards. A "foul" is when the defender hits the opponent before the ball. Also, everything that the referee doesn't see is a tackle.

- The two line referees are sort of assistant referees and their primary job is to look out for off-side situations (more on that later). They are essentially two pairs of extra eyes for the referee. So they're ###### too.

- The off-side rule was introduced to keep games from becoming boring. No, really. It basically means that you cannot just run down to the opponents goal and wait for a long pass. You have to have a defending player (besides the goalie) between you and the goal, at the exact point in time when the ball is passed to you. In reality, the rule was introduced to make life miserable on everyone. Off-side rulings are among the most contested rulings in any game. They are primarily called by the line referees. And they're ######.

- If Scotland wins, it's because they're great team with great players. If Scotland looses, it's because the referee is a ######.

- When in doubt, the referee is a ######.

Respectfully

krise madsen

PS: Completely useless trivia sidenote:

The British royal anthem "God save the Queen" (or God Save the King) as it was known back then) was actually written to boost the morale of the English people, as at that time Scottish troops were advancing south, pwning English troops along the way. However, the situation was rather dramtically reversed soon after, effectively ending any Scottish aspirations of gaining independence through force of arms.

Still, if you ever see a Scotsman with a smug grin on his face when "God Save the Queen" is played, it's because he knows it really means "Oh noes, teh Scots are coming!"

I can't wait to see Rocky's reaction to this post.

[Tinker]

Nicely put Krise

[WytchDokta]

Hmmmm.... I'm surprised one certain word in an above post isn't filtered. Although, I can understand it as it is a common surname in Germany.

[krise madsen]

Hmmmm.... I'm surprised one certain word in an above post isn't filtered. Although, I can understand it as it is a common surname in Germany.

Yes. Apparently the swear filter doesn't know about plural

Oh well, I edited it for the sake of forum harmony and moderator workload

Respectfully

krise madsen

[WytchDokta]

Hmmmm.... I'm surprised one certain word in an above post isn't filtered. Although, I can understand it as it is a common surname in Germany.

Yes. Apparently the swear filter doesn't know about plural

Oh well, I edited it for the sake of forum harmony and moderator workload

Respectfully

krise madsen

The original form is still present where your original post got quoted.

[krise madsen]

Hmmmm.... I'm surprised one certain word in an above post isn't filtered. Although, I can understand it as it is a common surname in Germany.

Yes. Apparently the swear filter doesn't know about plural

Oh well, I edited it for the sake of forum harmony and moderator workload

Respectfully

krise madsen

The original form is still present where your original post got quoted.

Yeah, but that's a forum code/moderation issue, so I'm in the clear

Besides, the referee really is a ######...

Respectfully

krise madsen

[Rocky]

Ha nice one Krise, right on the money.

[WhiteKnight77]

Ha nice one Krise, right on the money.

Rocky, I got a laugh out of this totally bland reply from you. Completely unexpected in a way.

[Whisper_44]

GIving up the goal in the first minute is one thing, but that last call for a free kick at 92:00 was a joke.. Scotland got robbed, that spanish ref is a ######.

[Rocky]

GIving up the goal in the first minute is one thing, but that last call for a free kick at 92:00 was a joke.. Scotland got robbed, that spanish ref is a ######.

LOL, well yeh, that'll be what 99% of Scotland is saying right now too. But, you have to weigh up the fact that the Scotland goal was actually scored from offside, and shouldn't have really stood anyway.

So the ###### ref got that wrong too.

[Whisper_44]

What about the blatant handball in the first half that the ###### missed as well?

[Parabellum]

What about the blatant handball in the first half that the ###### missed as well?

There is no offense in soccer (or football if you want to call it that) called handball. The proper term is "handling the ball".

[WytchDokta]

In some European countries there's a sports game called handball.

Fom Wikipedia: "Handball is a team sport where two teams of seven players each (six players and a goalkeeper) pass and bounce a ball trying to throw it in the goal of the opposing team.

The game has a goal similar to but smaller than the one in football (soccer), though as the name implies, the basic method of handling the ball involves the players' hands rather than their feet. The game has been played internationally since the 1920s"

[krise madsen]

In some European countries there's a sports game called handball.

Fom Wikipedia: "Handball is a team sport where two teams of seven players each (six players and a goalkeeper) pass and bounce a ball trying to throw it in the goal of the opposing team.

The game has a goal similar to but smaller than the one in football (soccer), though as the name implies, the basic method of handling the ball involves the players' hands rather than their feet. The game has been played internationally since the 1920s"

Yup, very popular in Northern and Central Europe in particular, but also parts of the Middle East and Asia.

Back on topic:

Told ya so: The ref was a ######

Respectfully

krise madsen

[ceptico]

Just a quick repair

Football, as Americans play is actually played mainly with the hands. Thats why I don't know why they call it football and call soccer, to the rest of the world, football, wich is played only with the feet. Only one player, out of eleven in a team, can use the hands and that's the goalkeeper.

By the way, best of luck for Scotland next time.

Edited November 18, 2007 by ceptico

[ZJJ]

Football, as Americans play is actually played mainly with the hands. Thats why I don't know why they call it football and call soccer, to the rest of the world, football, wich is played only with the feet. Only one player, out of eleven in a team, can use the hands and that's the goalkeeper.

While it is widely believed that the word "football" originated in reference to the action of a foot kicking a ball, there is a rival explanation, which has it that football originally referred to a variety of games which were played on foot. The word football has always implied a variety of games played on foot, not just those that involved kicking a ball. In some cases, the word football has even been applied to games which have specifically outlawed kicking the ball.

The name "soccer" was originally a slang abbreviation of association football and is now the prevailing term in the United States, Canada, Australia and New Zealand where other codes of football are dominant.

BTW - There are many types of "football" outside of America.... Australian rules football, Canadian football, Gaelic football, rugby football... to name a few.

And they all have ###### referees.

[Gav80]

I dunno, two weeks in a proper country last summer and she thinks she knows all there is to know about ROW "football" as well as the American kind...

*Ducks*

[krise madsen]

I dunno, two weeks in a proper country last summer and she thinks she knows all there is to know about ROW "football" as well as the American kind...

*Ducks*

(I was going to make a funny quib about ZJJ but I'm too much of a coward. And hey, let's face it: I'm just not funny enough to get away with it )

I've been watching the game since I was born and I still don't have a bloody clue. Except that bit about the ref. Oh and that Gary Lineker is the greatest footballer of all time and his farts smell of perfume (really, really obscure TV/theater reference that prolly only the Brits will catch, and even that is a long shot. More hints: Git a beer for the lovely Birgitta).

Respectfully

krise madsen

PS: Stoke City! Go Pats! (erm, got confused, sry)

[WytchDokta]

Told ya so: The ref was a ######

The ref was a snotskovl?

I have really got to stop learning these kind of words. Either that or people have got to stop teaching me them

What? If everyone wants to mar my alias as being a bad boy, then I just aswell live up to it.

Edited December 5, 2007 by WytchDokta

[Gav80]

(I was going to make a funny quib about ZJJ but I'm too much of a coward. And hey, let's face it: I'm just not funny enough to get away with it )

I'm not sure I'm funny enough either, but I certainly never let cowardice (or good sense) get in the way of me insulting zjj... I'm sure she'll just put it down to backhanded affection... maybe...