Midwest Humor

[Specter 0]

In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be given to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a 4 wheel drive because I need it. It's not just to keep up with the neighbors.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when you're talking about our women will get your butt whipped - by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for - bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope that you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right - whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the airport.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real

impressed. We have a quarter million dollar combine that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. But we stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because they want to. So you're a feminist! Isn't that cute!

14. Yeah, we eat Catfish. Carp too. And turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's at the bait shop.

15. Those are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80 & 90 go East and West. Interstates 29, 35, 55, and 75 go North and South. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. "The Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazard. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "sir", no matter how old he is.

Now, please enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your stay. We have corn to plant.

[WhiteKnight77 1]

Those are great.

[TeXaN 0]

3 - 5 - 7 - 13 and 14 are my Favorites