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Looking for some advice on RL stuff


WytchDokta
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It's all started so well. I don't wanna mess it up yet. Infact, I don't wanna mess this up at all. It is afterall, so easy to mess it up. The beginning is the most fragile time.

On the scale of friends to full on lovers, we are at the very beginning of the friends stage. When I was with her yesterday, I didn't want to seem I wasn't interested in her (I am interested in her), at the same time I didn't want to push it too far. Lets get and example in here. When we were walking her dog, I walked close by Shell (as if you were walking down the street with your friends, you all walk a small distance apart), but I didn't want to walk to close, I didn't want to overdo it. I was in a sense, too afraid to reach out and take her hand because we are at the very beginning and she may not have appreciated that yet.

I know she does really like me, although she hasn't yet told me this in person. I can tell she likes me by the body language. Also her friend said several times that Shell really likes me. I think Shell hasn't said she really likes me yet because firstly she isn't ready to say it yet (we are still at the beginning of the friends stage) and she doesn't want to say it in front of her friend. If she didn't really like me there's no way she would have texted me several times to say I'm a really nice guy, she wouldn't have said in several text messages that she's looking forward to friday, and she wouldn't want to come out for drinks with me.

Yesterday while with Shell I did not act. I was myself. I didn't pretend to be anyone else. I didn't try to make out I'm tough or whatever too. I made eye contact alot and smiled at her alot. We laughed alot too.

I'll have a few questions for you guys before I go out on friday night (Operation: Hammered Raver)

Edited by [Wx] .:Nightmare:.
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Dude, when a female says she wants to take it slow, she means slow. We men think of taking it slow as waiting a week or a month. Not so to a female. Slow means "slow-to-not-at-all". She's probably not really interested in a real relationship right now; just be her friend and forget about the romance stuff.

If you want the girl to show some interest in you, be sincerely nice to her. But in no way, shape, or form should you demonstrate any 'romantic' feelings for her. Talk to her often, and listen to her when she wants to talk. If you do that, she'll be eating out of your hand in weeks.

Edited by Parabellum
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.:Nightmare:.,Aug 19 2004, 13:47 ] Tomorrow night is cureently scaring the hell out of me. I'm just so worried about not doing it right. I understand not to show romantic feeling yet. Maybe a few months down the line.....It's still early days.

I'll probably post them questions later.

Dude, put it out of your mind.

Looking like a nervous, fidgety ###### isn't exactly suave.

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Right, another long post is upon us....

Ah, that's better. Just been chillin' for a bit, listening to some of my favourite songs. When the vocal of Special D's "Come With Me" track came in, I felt instant relief of my worries (for me, music is the answer, it helps me through the rough times etc). It reminds me of when me and Jim raved to this track big time down in the nightclub - jumpin up and down, throwing your hands in the air, big fish little fish cardboard box, freestyle breakdancing....man, that was some good ###### right there I tell you. .:Nightmare:. drunk is just so hilarious....especially when he sees lights on in a building and shouts "ALIENS!! F' ING ALIENS!! THEY'RE COMING FOR US - LEG IT!!!!".... that's probably because sometimes when he's drunk, he sees ######....

Anyway, it's time to ask them questions now. But first....

Today I've been to see Jim for some advice really. Jim's like a brother to me (he ain't actually my brother, but I do have a brother). Me and him are like brothers in arms. He wanted to meet up at 2:30 down the pub anyway so I thought I'd use the opportunity to ask him some stuff. He knew I had met Shell anyway.

So I'm talking to him.... Firstly I told him all that had happened with me and Shell so far, blah blah blah. The I ask him some questions - about what should I do, what should I say, what should I not do etc. I asked him because he has been in the same situation before with his girlfriend (his girlfriend just so happens to be one of my friends when I was back in college and the both live in this town). They wanted thier relationship to start off slowly too. It was important I asked him today - asking him what I should say to Shell etc in front of Shell is a bad idea. So we needed to set up a means of communication between me and him on friday that's not so obvious (set up the comms, so I can ask him what to say etc). Even if me and Jim are sitting next to each other, if I need to ask him advice on what to say etc, I will text him. And he will text back. We won't make it too obvious though. There are other ways I can ask him what to say etc too....

Whatever happens, Jim (or his girlfriend) will not let me say or do anything I shouldn't. They will make sure everything is ok (Jim and his girl will be there friday night).

So now, the questions....I had asked Jim some of the following questions, but I still need more advice. And this is serious ###### so I want honest, no BS answers. I would like answers from both male and female members if possible. Questions highlighted in bold and red.

- First things first: Meeting Shell and her friend. I was speaking to Chems ealier (before speaking to Jim)too. Chems says girls like hugs so I should hug Shell when I meet her in town on friday night. I'm not too certain. Jim says don't hug her, not yet, wait for the relationship to go on a bit more yet. So, what do I do?

- Buying the drinks for Shell (and her friend). I know this is the correct thing to do, but.....I actually have no problem buying drinks for Shell, but.... Shell (and her friend) may get offended that I don't buy her friend a drink at the same as getting Shell's drink. See, we don't think D can come now, so it means this isn't a double date as such. Which in turn means I'll probably have to buy the drinks for both the girls. So what do I do here? And when do I offer to buy the drinks? (i.e, as soon as we've walked into the pub?). Jim reckons I should offer to buy the drinks for her (or them as it may be) just as we get into the pub. He says I should say "what would you like to drink?" not "what do you want to drink". Again, advice on this is vital for the operation in hand.

- Where do I sit? This is seem like a stupid question.... I'm trying to say, do I sit right next to Shell (don't forget, I don't want make it look like I'm coming onto her so to speak). I didn't actually ask Jim this question, I forgot too.

- Walking Shell home. Yet another stupid question right here so laugh all you like. Shell could be walking home with her friend. I know for a fact that they can both look after themselves. But walking Shell home is the right thing for me to do. When should I offer to walk her (or them as it may be) home? Just as we're about to leave? Jim says I should walk her (or them as it may be) home. Also bear in mind that I live completely the other side of town, to get back to my house after walking Shell home I would have to walk through the town centre (late at night). Dunno what people are about that time of night so I don't particularly want to walk back through the town centre. The only other way back is through dark back alleys, sod that.

- That text message I sent this morning (where I asked her if she wanted to chill back at Mi Casa [my house] afterwards). What do I say if Shell asks me why I asked her if she wanted to chill back at my house. Jim had no idea whatsoever about what I could say. Shell may not even ask me yet, but I need to know just incase she does ask.

Well, that's about it for now. If I can think of any more questions, I'll post 'em up. And no I don't plan to get drunk on friday night....

Edited by [Wx] .:Nightmare:.
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I do belive that a hug is good, all my mates that are girls always give me a hug when they see me, and a few of my male mates as well :unsure: (includes Jack57 as well he never stops winking and sending me love hearts on MSN) I think a hug is good, taking it slow is good and all, but I mean a hug is a hug a sign of friendship more than anything and quite a good ice breaker. Definatly by the friend a drink, let them sit down, stay standing then ask. lol tis funny how much your planning this.

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lol tis funny how much your planning this.

Yeah, you gotta be prepared son. Always expect the unexpected. I always have a plan for everything.

######, I forgot some questions....

- I want to throw a few compliments her way. I don't want to overdo it or make it seem like I'm pushing my luck. I want to say like "wow, you look nice tonight" , but like I say, I don't wanna push it. What compliments should I make to her (if any)?

- What sort of questions should I ask her (if any)?

Oh and a big shout out to Gordo Viper for the support via PM. Kudos to that man.

Edited by [Wx] .:Nightmare:.
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- First things first: Meeting Shell and her friend. I was speaking to Chems ealier (before speaking to Jim)too. Chems says girls like hugs so I should hug Shell when I meet her in town on friday night. I'm not too certain. Jim says don't hug her, not yet, wait for the relationship to go on a bit more yet. So, what do I do?

- Buying the drinks for Shell (and her friend). I know this is the correct thing to do, but.....I actually have no problem buying drinks for Shell, but.... Shell (and her friend) may get offended that I don't buy her friend a drink at the same as getting Shell's drink. See, we don't think D can come now, so it means this isn't a double date as such. Which in turn means I'll probably have to buy the drinks for both the girls. So what do I do here? And when do I offer to buy the drinks? (i.e, as soon as we've walked into the pub?). Jim reckons I should offer to buy the drinks for her (or them as it may be) just as we get into the pub. He says I should say "what would you like to drink?" not "what do you want to drink". Again, advice on this is vital for the operation in hand.

- Where do I sit? This is seem like a stupid question.... I'm trying to say, do I sit right next to Shell (don't forget, I don't want make it look like I'm coming onto her so to speak). I didn't actually ask Jim this question, I forgot too.

- Walking Shell home. Yet another stupid question right here so laugh all you like. Shell could be walking home with her friend. I know for a fact that they can both look after themselves. But walking Shell home is the right thing for me to do. When should I offer to walk her (or them as it may be) home? Just as we're about to leave? Jim says I should walk her (or them as it may be) home. Also bear in mind that I live completely the other side of town, to get back to my house after walking Shell home I would have to walk through the town centre (late at night). Dunno what people are about that time of night so I don't particularly want to walk back through the town centre. The only other way back is through dark back alleys, sod that.

- That text message I sent this morning (where I asked her if she wanted to chill back at Mi Casa [my house] afterwards). What do I say if Shell asks me why I asked her if she wanted to chill back at my house. Jim had no idea whatsoever about what I could say. Shell may not even ask me yet, but I need to know just incase she does ask.

Well, that's about it for now. If I can think of any more questions, I'll post 'em up. And no I don't plan to get drunk on friday night....

Dude, I'm telling you... forget all that. You're going to formulate a big plan, and then when you go out, it's going to get botched, and you're going to be disappointed. The only details you need to worry about are that you're wearing deodorant, you've got fresh breath, and you look nice. Not too much cologne. Then, just go out and have a good time. Treat the lady like she's a princess, and you'll do fine. Put away any thoughts of impressing her with machoism or chivarly (that stuff doesn't impress women) and simply go and enjoy yourself. Let her see that you are cool, and that you can be a friend. If and when she's ready, she'll respond. And whatever you do, do NOT drink alcohol! The stupid hat goes on when people drink. If you want the girl, leave Jack at home.

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If you want the girl, leave Jack at home.

Hey, Jack57 is coming with me down the pub!! :rofl: j/k

Ok, so I just go into this unprepared? :mellow:

Treat the lady like she's a princess

Damn right I will. Just be polite and all that jazz. Yeah yeah, I know.

Let her see that you are cool, and that you can be a friend.

Ok, will do, that's some sound advice right there. (I am cool by the way....)

**Goes off to write "I Must Not Screw Up" 100 times on the blackboard**

Edited by [Wx] .:Nightmare:.
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What Para said, once again, is wise.

Go the hug if you can.

Buy the first set of drinks at least, and if anyone (female) says there going for one, the "mee too, whatll you have" is also handy.

Sit where it makes sense to sit. For cripes sake dont make a scene of it though.

Play it cool and you'll have a great time...

:)

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I think I'll take a chance and sit right next to her. Life is all about chances. If I sit opposite her, she may think I'm not interested in her. If I hug her, it might be best to do so at the end of the night, because we'll both know each other even better by then.

The only problem is.... I don't think Jim and the crew can make it down the pub til 8:30. That means that for the first half hour I will have to hold my own (in a sense). Of course, the girls will be there, but my friends won't be there to start with. So the first half hour is where I'll make mistakes, if any.

I just text Jim to see what time he and the crew could make it down the pub. I also asked him to draw me a map....this may seem wierd and hilarious to you but I'm hopeless with navigating. When I've been somewhere once, I can never remember to get back there again by myself, unless I go there by myself a few more times. So the map I asked him to draw was how to get back to my house from Shell's house (after I've walked her home).

It's gonna be a great night for all. I'm not gonna get drunk, but I will drink some alcohol. Jim or his girlfriend won't let me get drunk tonight. (So why's it called Operation: Hammered Raver if you're not going to get drunk tonight? Er....because that is the name of the operation, I can't change the name now).

And soon the quest begins....

EDIT>Over 500 views....

Edited by [Wx] .:Nightmare:.
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T-Minus 1 hour....

Almost ready to get this show on the road, but I still have a question about where to sit.... Assuming we sit down at a table, Shell and her friend sit on one side, there's no space for me to the other side of Shell, then maybe I should sit straight opposite her. But if I can sit next to her, do I ask if she minds if I sit there? Asking may make it seem I'm nervous or whatever, then again, just going ahead and sitting there may make it seem I'm pushing it.

I need advice on the above matter ASAP (AKA like right now) because big bruv will be here in a mo' and then we gonna get the show on the road.

Also, I texted Shell about 3:00 PM, asking her how she was today and how was work was today. She hasn't replied to that text yet and it's now 7:00 PM, so understandably, I'm worried. Maybe she's working till 7:00 PM I dunno (she worked til 8:00 PM yesterday).

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hey man just be cool and play your cards right and you will be home in no time.

Just like Gary Soneman said on Syphon Filter "Leave your nerves at the door" so just try to be calm and be POLITE dont try the suave crap casue most of the time it never works. Do what you may think she would like but NEVER LET HER CONTOL YOU THATS WHERE MOST RELATIONSHIPS GO BAD!!!!

well im only 14 and i barely had any girlfreinds [you would see why if u looked it my picture in member information but its gone now] so i cant help much but use what i gave you and we will pray that Operation Hammered Raver succeds

:thumbsup:

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I don't know how I managed to type this or even get home by myself for that matter.....everything is spinning now man, wooo going round in circles.....

If this makes no sense, it's because I'm almost drunk.....man, I'm seeing ######....wooo I'm swaying from side to side....

I'm now not too sure about this relationship thing (maybe I'm just worrying to much), I haven't got time to post the "battle report" from the operation (being almost drunk won't help that), but get this:

I'm headed down town at like 7:43 PM to arrive for 8:00 PM, I get a phone call (on my mobile) at 7:46 PM from Shell's friend using Shell's phone to say they won't be ready at 8:00 PM, but to meet them downtown at 8:30 instead.....

I get a "backup" text, from Shell, to confirm this. The last two words of the text were "luv Shell" as in love from Shell and that's the first text message she's wrote that in. But....

I offered to buy them both drinks when we got into the pub. Both of them refused. IIRC, Shell's exact words were "No we're alright thanx mate, we'll buy our own". That knocked me back a little (bearing in mind the last two words of her previous text message). All three of us talked about this and that. But then we went into another pub, talked some more, I got chance to ask some questions and Shell bought me a drink. W T F? She asked me if I wanted a drink, so I couldn't decline. She bought me a drink? W T F she doing I offered to buy her a drin k she declines, but then she buy me a drink?

Anyway, later on at the other pub, Shell bought her friend a drink, so I asked her friend if Shell did actually really like me. Her friend said yes, Shell did really like me, she (Shell) thinks I'm a really nice guy, but.....Shell is not really interested in relationships right now (having just finished a long term relationship). Ok, so another kick in the teeth so to speak. Intstead she, at the moment, is mainly interested in friendship. I said Shell told me she wants to take it slow, her friend confirmed this, so I asked "very slow?", her friend confirmed this too. But why the hell did she put "luv Shell" in that text message? She evidently has feelings for me. The "luv Shell" part really baffles me. [Feedback needed here]

As we made our way to the other pub, they both complained of being cold, so I offered them both my coat (in turn), but they both declined. Yet another kick in the teeth so to speak. When we about to leave that pub I asked them if they would mind me walking them home. They both said they were ok walking home (they were walking home together)

So I text Shell when I get home (don't ask me how the hell I managed to get home by myself, cuz I dunno), I said that I had got home safe and asked them if they had got home safe. She (Shell) said they had got home safe and that she (Shell) was glad that I got home safe. So Shell does have feelings for me.

So I dunno...right now I wouldn't really understand what you reply to this post cuz I'm almost drunk - everything is like wooooo, no sense of time, no sense of up or down, fall over if you stand up....I didn't see them aliens this time though when walking home, lol. ALIENS!!

I may post about the operation in detail tomorrow, but decide for yourself whether it was a success bearing in mind what I've just said here.

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Women are confusing creatures mate..

Example: One of the girls I know from work and I are pretty close.

One night she said we had to talk. She said she really likes me, but shes older than me and has a boyfriend in Poland. She said we can only be friends because she doesn't want to do 'something stupid' with me..

The next night, we're holding each other VERY closely (shes wrapping her legs around me, that close) and the following morning she kisses me on the lips..

All this after she told me that we have to be friends.. :wacko:

Confusing, confusing, confusing..

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Welcome to what has been my world for the past two weeks..

My advice for you is not to over-analyze everything, but just sort of go with the flow with her.. what will happen happens..

Just be yourself, play it cool, and don't over-analyze things..

And prepare to buy some more beers, because women are confusing creatures ;)

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Well she text me back to say she just wants to keep it as friends but she thinks I'm really cool. She also says (in the text message) that she was hurt really bad in her long term relationship that she's just come out of, but she doesn't want to hurt me.

I hope she me means she wants to keep it as friends for now. You have to understand, we both have "more than friends" feelings for each other, and I say that because.... None of my friends have put in their text message what Shell puts in. Shell says like "good night, sleep well", "luv Shell" etc. Most of my firends are girls. Not even my closest friend, who is a girl, doesn't put stuff like that at the end of her text messages.

Anyway, next friday is Operation: Retox....

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For the love of Pete, get a grip, man! You're going apey over this girl, and you're going to scare her away. The little love shell and sleep tight and this and that, are not sentiments of affection toward you. They are a habit, formed by months of repetition. Having just come out of a long-term relationship, the Shell is still going to act as though she is in that relationship, in some aspects. She is continuing to do what she has done, and that may or may not end in the near future. You need to recognize this, and you need to do you very best to make sure that you do not get involved with this girl for quite some time. Otherwise, you'll end up being her rebound, and I think you know how that will end. Please, heed this advice: Be friendly, be polite, but do not act like you are interested in dating this girl.

Edited by Parabellum
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