WytchDokta Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 (edited) I've always wondered... ...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed ...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery" ...why "abbreviated" is such a long word ...why doctors call what they do "practice" ...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows ...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons ...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections ...why sheep don't shrink when it rains ...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? ...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe AND... In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap" (And that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's "just" a suggestion) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating" (...And you thought???) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body" (But wouldn't this save me more time?). On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts). On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only" (As opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use" (Somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious....) On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts" (Talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts" (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:- On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly" On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals" (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? ) Edited June 17, 2004 by [Wx] .:Nightmare:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V2_Bloodline Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 lol i laughed so long my face hurts! i couldn't pause to catch a breath! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WytchDokta Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 I did warn you all that it was very funny.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 .:Nightmare:.,Jun 17 2004, 11:06 ] ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections All of them are good. I have the answer to the quoted one: because the inmates wives complain that if the needle isnt sterile, it's inhumane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagger Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 LOL great stuff nightmare Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insaneflyingmonkey Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 For the questions: What colour do Smurfs turn when you choke 'em? For the Stupidity: On a road sign near my house it states: Road may be wet when raining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blistr Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor I always chuckle at any product that is 'New & Improved'. If it is new, then there would be no product before it with any room for improvement... If it is improved, then there must have been a product prior in order to 'improve' it... So which is it??? NEW?? or IMPROVED?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blistr Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 .:Nightmare:.,Jun 17 2004, 11:06 ] ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections All of them are good. I have the answer to the quoted one: because the inmates wives complain that if the needle isnt sterile, it's inhumane. @Crimson (or anybody else that knows): How do you get the quote from [Wx] .:Nightmare:., or anybody with ] in their name, to appear correctly? Whenever I try to quote anyone with ] in their name I end up with something like the quote above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CME4WHOIAM Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Ive always wondered y the same things are posted in multiple topics on the forum. If you have some time start from the last page and move up you will be admazed how much is repeated or just reworded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Private B Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 ROFLAMOPIMP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WytchDokta Posted June 20, 2004 Author Share Posted June 20, 2004 ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor I always chuckle at any product that is 'New & Improved'. If it is new, then there would be no product before it with any room for improvement... If it is improved, then there must have been a product prior in order to 'improve' it... So which is it??? NEW?? or IMPROVED?? It's like the cans of insect killer....they all say the same thing: "KILLS BUGS DEAD" But wait a minute, if they're killed, they're already dead and vice versa. How can you kill something (or some one for that matter) dead? Dead and killed mean the same thing so you change it to: DEAD BUGS KILLS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sup Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STU_Snake Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Dear lord, I almost ###### myself, I have not laughed so hard since I say that wierd peice of metal on Janet's tit during the superbowl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WytchDokta Posted June 21, 2004 Author Share Posted June 21, 2004 This one still baffles me: On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use" (Somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious....) Some one enlighten me please.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blistr Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 .:Nightmare:.,Jun 22 2004, 01:39 ]This one still baffles me: On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use" (Somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious....) Some one enlighten me please.... My guess is that the meaning was lost in translation. Perhaps its meant to say 'Not to be used for any other use', or something to that effect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmcdonald Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 My guess is that the meaning was lost in translation. Perhaps its meant to say 'Not to be used for any other use', or something to that effect. blistr is probably right. anyway nightmare great jokes my fave is: On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside (The shoplifter special?) jmcdonald Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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