CME4WHOIAM 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 3 pages What's another word for "thesaurus" The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match. When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired When all else fails, read the instructions. Why is it that People are willing to get off their butts to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually? How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? What is the speed of dark? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten. There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-o to a tree for instance. I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it. I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read." I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 80% of all questions that begin with the word `why' can be answered with the simple sentence `people are stupid.' Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking. When People ask "Can I ask you a question?" Did they really give really give you a choice there? If the black box is the only thing that survives a plane crash, why don't they make the whole plane out of the black-box's material? Why is it whenever someone tastes something bad they always want you to taste it? Why is it whenever you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance... Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink... Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and a diet coke... Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters... Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage... Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place... Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight... Only in America...do people buy domestic brand tires, because they want to "buy American," and install them on their imported cars... Only in America...the budgets for advertising non-essential items, like soft drinks, exceed the economies of many third-world nations... Only in America...do we use the word politics to describe the process so well. Poli in Latin meaning many and tics. meaning blood sucking creatures... Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with. I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing. When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute. There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour What happens if you put a slinkey on an escalator? A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here." Something's wrong with my television set. I got C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jack57 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Why is it whenever you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal? I think a blonde must have thought that one up Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CME4WHOIAM 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Author Share Posted December 16, 2003 Why is it whenever you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal? I think a blonde must have thought that one up Dude what is up with that. Blondes arent really that bad its people like you that stariotype them that gives them a bad name and makes them feel bad. You should think before you offend someone. jk you are probaly right. I really want to know y though Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jack57 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Dude what is up with that. Blondes arent really that bad...I really want to know y though Are you blonde? hint: if you get a busy signal how would you know you've dialled a wrong number Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CME4WHOIAM 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Author Share Posted December 16, 2003 no im not blonde no one in my family is blonde (well in my admedite family) cousains and stuff is a diffrent story. hint: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deadly_sniper22 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2? That brought a smile to my face thats for sure! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jack57 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 hint: Well I don't beleive that Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bkriley 0 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute. Got to love that one... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deathmonger338 0 Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too. That one's the best Quote Link to post Share on other sites
osokdfgr 0 Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 \/\/\/\/\/OFF TOPIC!!\/\/\/\/\/ Frog Blast The Vent Core! GAAAAA! are you frogblast??????? or just a fan of his? ON TOPIC!: If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? rofl...........may be to true/////////// lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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