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Need some advice on a RL matter


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Yo guys, I need some advice on a real life matter....

Let me explain this situation a mo'. I take it most of you have the thread "Nightmare's nightmare"? Well, this is part of the same situation.....

This Christmas won't be an easy one for me. I'm caught in a bit of a dilemma.

Er...it's difficult for me to explain, but I'll do my best. Right, let's put it simply: I don't know who to spend Christmas with - my mother or father (bear in mind I live with my mother). I know that sounds stupid, so I'm gonna have to explaing this a bit more.

I hate this!! I hate this damn situation!! But I need to ask advice cuz this is eating me away inside (so to speak).

Basicly, arrangement have been made for me to be spending Christmas with my father. It would mean I would be staying with my father and his relatives and sharing Christmas with them. I wasn't involved in the dicussion of the arrangements, nor was my mother (mother and father don't speak to each other no more, haven't done for like 2 years). I would have to go down there a few days before Christmas and come back boxing day.

Now for the major problem. My mother will be all alone this Christmas. I feel it isn't fair for me to leave her on her own this Christmas. My mothers relatives will be doing other things this Christmas and so my mother won't be able to go down to them.

And so it begins....the dilemma....

I don't want to hurt anyones feelings or risk loosing friendship of relatives. If I go with my father and his relatives this Christmas, he'll be happy, but my mother won't. My mother probably won't like me no more if I go with me father and his relatives this Christmas. If I stay here with my mother this Christmas, she'll be happy, but my father won't. My father will think I don't like him anymore etc etc. And I'll end up loosing his friendship....

And now you see, you see my dilemma. I lost, confused, stuck. I dunno what to do. I dunno what will be the best option. That's why I have turned to you guys.

So I ask you, what should I do?

I hate being in this situation guys. I need to know what I should do. Bear in mind the things listed above.

Godamn I hate this!!

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I don't know how far away your Mum & Dad live from each other, but why don't you stay Christmas Eve night at your Mum's. Wake up, have breakfast and open prezziz. Have your Dad collect you to go over to his for Dinner and more prezziz and then be taken back to your Mum's Christmas night.

I don't know how old you are, but if you're off for the duration, no doubt you'll be seeing the both of them over the Christmas period! Just make sure you spend New Years day with your Mum and her family.

All the Best


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There's always the option of going on a bender and waking up in a random ditch.

As long as you don't totally neglect one or the other, whichever you choose, they'll get over it

A typically wise and down to earth peice of advice.

In other words Nightmare...just make sure u have a ball. Everyone deserves that. Parents especially must understand that for their family.

Good luck in whatever u choose!


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I can't let my dad pick me up from here...it's important fror my mum's sake that my dad don't know where we live....he won't try to harm my mum or nuthin like that but she just don't want him to know where we live.

I still dunno what to do.

This situation is starting to do my head in now!! It's gonna be like this every ###### Christmas. I don't want this freakin situation no more!! Trouble is, damn ###### like this won't ever go away.

Even though I'm looking at the monitor screen, I'm seeing memories again....good memories, bad memories, illusions of the truth....this may sound like I've lost the plot to you, but it's true (and no I aint on hallucenogenic drugs - I aint a druggy). It's difficult to explain what it's like. You gotta experience my situation this past 3 years yourself to fully undertstand. Words alone cannot describe my situation this past 3 years.

Music is the answer....well, at least for me anyways....

*puts 'I Remember' by Q-Tex in CD player*

EDIT: I don't think you guys understand. I cannot choose! I don't know what to choose, that is why I asked you guys. If I knew what to choose, I wouldn't have posted this thread.

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Sounds like your mom could use the company more than your dad. Remember they created this mess not you. It's not all up to you to maintain a relationship with your father either. You're their child, they are supposed to love you unconditionally. So you can't please them both all the time, they're the adults they can handle it. Good luck, don't feel guilty whatever your decision is.

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This is what i do with my split parents.

I have Christmas with my Mother and that side of the family, cos i live with her.

I then have Boxing Day like a 2nd christmas, but with my dads side of the family.

It works out well, with everyone happy with the arrangement.

(Anyone who doesnt know, boxing day is the day after christmas)

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listen to me here, Nightmare. I am in the exact same situation, have been for years. and here's the solution:

I'm guessing you're at least 16. Now, in U.S. Law, As long as you're over 14 YOU decide which parent you spend time with. Dunno if its the same way in the UK. Here's what I would do. Stay with your mom. I know how insane single mothers can be around holidays, so be with her. Unless your father is as fragile as a lesbian on the season finale of Ellen, he won't think you've killed your "friendship". He's not gonna disown you if you explain the situation. Spend New Year's with your pa.

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The alternative would be to get a friend to take you in for the Christmas period, tell your mum and dad that you would love to spend Christmas with them but you have a better offer, that way neither of them will think that the other has your company and you get to relax.

The problem might be persuading a friends family to let you join them but its not unheard of, good luck.. ;)

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your an adult nightmare dotn forget that, stay focused and think about it in a logical sense, spend xmas eve and most of the day with your mum and make arrangments for your dad to meet u somwhere then spend xmas night and boxing day with his family.

try to make the best of the holidays and remember one thing, this isnt your fault and twisting your own guts in knots wont make it any easier.

your an adult now u have the right to make an adult decision that has to be respected, any guilt thats laid on you should be ignored.

if common sense doesnt prevail and your made to feel worse than you already do then take the above advice and stay with a friend and make sure both parents know why

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Trouble is, damn ###### like this won't ever go away.

It feels that way at the time. But it does...u just learn to have it that way as the norm, and after 10 years for example, there is no ###### that needs dealt with.

It's just a change of situation - from one set of circumstances to another. Change is a pain - but there is no "normal" set of circumstances to begin with, so don't worry. You become settled in whatever situation finally arises.

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