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Some aussie humour I got by email today...sorry I've been away for so long - work is a ###### and I'm moving into new digs....should be settled in a fortnight...with BB installed this weekend hopefully...

Subject: Pilots Gripe Sheet / Mechanics Response: After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing! ! after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

Cheers Lads,

Mike

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hey lads!

Been pretty dead around here of late. Jeff has been AWOL, ryan is MIA, slink has been bouncing off the walls, mike packed into a box somewhere, and the rest of you mongrels have been off playing VBS!

Good to have ya back jeff (just got choc milk on keyboard, know how you feel)

And where have we inherited this oter yankee from? come to fill in the rayn void? Cos thats a big hat to fill, VERY big.

@Slink: My car is in no way worthy of anything "performance" to be written on it.

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cod flarmit!

I was gunna post some pics and a coupla short films pr myself and some friends with out latest toy, a spud gun. Its an awesome little ######, soots em about 100metres, and thats in to the wind. Limes go for ever, and madarins is like a shotgun.

Only went feral once, when we experimented with Butane gas. End cap blew open, smacking my thumb. 1 roll of duct tape later fixed that up.

No pics? The fool with the camera said he put them on a CD, but the CD is blank, well done. :clap:

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hey SN, why dont ya just go suck a mango mate :P

and remember "the curls get the girls, maaaaaaate"

cheers......

im guessin its close to 3am in in good old bris-bane, and someone has downed a few to many jars of XXXX... :P

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Lynx eh. Gunna try lotsa different things, hairspray is alright, but it can clog the lighter with the all the extra crap in it. Its apparent our gun is to weak for pure butane, so we'll see how we go...

@Dek: Buts its XXXX isnt it :rolleyes:

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sn our was build 3" down piple in to a y section and

fire by a spick pug off a car

my mate built one to fire out his long line he would fire it off

the beach

hey boys what the last thing 80% 0f sn friend said before they die

here hold my beer and watch me :rofl:

where is fat head how long has he been missing ?

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