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Slackbladder

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    Coventry, Great Britain
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    Owing to a lifelong interest in violence (and how to avoid it) I have a pervading interest in WWII-era hand-to-hand combatives and general self-protection studies. I am the sole UK practioner of "running-away-screaming-like-a-girl-jutsu", an advanced form of fleejutsu, the art of the experienced coward. I can run away from pretty much anyone or anything that is not called "parabellum."<br><br>I work in a hospital as a porter/orderly and am paid a miserly wage to perfom back-breaking labour to which a donkey would object. Consisting mainly of pushing people who have lost all semblance of good manners with the onset of minor ailments, I get coughed at by people with brochial phlegm, farted upon by the senile, spat on by the psychiatric patients, spattered in vomit by those who ate a very cheap takeaway meal and insulted by drunks who think I am a policeman.<br><br>On the upside, the hospital is staffed by young, single women who all have at least two nurses uniforms in the cupboard at home. Beat that.<br><br>I write short stories to provide an outlet for an overactive imagination. failure to write usually results in odd behaviour as creativity leaks into normal, everyday life. My boss has subjected me to random drug tests no less than four times in 18 months because he is sure I am popping pills during my lunch hour. I've never even touched a cigarette! Still, people think it is pretty funny and offer to give me their urine should I ever need it, which is a compliment of sorts I suppose.<br><br>I do like to drink but I'm not very good at it. A few pints of strongish ale and I am anybody's. Usually full of posting fervour, I really enjoy spending an hour or two on the forums whilst totally wasted and logging on the next day to find out what the hell I have written. My favourite beer is Spitfire ale brewed by Shepherd Neame. Give it a try, but take the taxi back home afterwards. Leave the taxi-driver at the pub.<br><br>I love to sing, but i don't know any words, so i just sort of make stuff up as I go along. I feel it is the duty of every man to remind the common public that the inability to sing does not mean that you shouldn't sing. rather, you should pick a song you can blag (lie) your way through. With kareoke bars starting to fill with people who a) can sing and b) know all the words, they are robbing us of the simple pleasure of singing the chorus when the words come up on the screen. Suddenly, we have to act in a semi-professional manner whilst utterly hammered (drunk). Take back the microphone, reclaim the stage! Mumble, slur and swear quietly all the way through "Danny boy" and finish with a drunken collapse to the sound of rapturous applause from the laughing crowd. Try wearing protective headgear if the stage is raised.<br><br>Dont ask me for money. I have spent it.<br><br>Dont give me money. I will spend it.<br><br>I have tried to sleep rough in Liverpool, but the fucking rain started just as I was getting comfortable. Moral: take an umbrella when visiting Liverpool.

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    I dont use mods! rage!
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  1. Tyovan, I heartily suggest you join the local police department or maybe the fire department. If your principles do not allow you to be a soldier, then at least look at other jobs that match your ideals. You will never be rich man, but you probably grew out of that daydream years ago. I commend you for not responding to flames. Power to you.
  2. I dunno. I read a newspaper article about a year back saying that the USAF has a helicopter "Top Gun" school. All attend, all leave knowing something that they didn't when they turned up. That sorta place. The newspaper was celebrating the fact that somebody passed with a perfect 100% score. The first and only event in the school's history. Guess what? That pilot was British. Just a FYI. I'm sure the Nightstalkers are good.
  3. Certainly, but the description ".50" only takes into account the bore of the ammunition. Just as two 7.62 ammuntion types exist (Soviet - 7.62x36 and NATO - 7.62x51 (I think )) one very different to the other, the description of .50 can be misleading. Look at the ammunition on display with the pistol in question. That is long ammunition, way too long for a magazine-fed pistol. We both know that the .50 Desert eagle is a magazine-fed weapon, so it is looking increasingly unlikely that the pistol fires anything from a magazine as the grips look too puny to cope with such large ammuntion. Secondly, the gun is huge enough to house the large .50 round. It is clearly a single.shot weapon, therefore, the Desert Eagle doesn't even enter the equation. Nicley pointed out, though.
  4. Kudos to the guy if he can post an apology and accept the pasting he knows is coming. That takes guts. It sounds as though you've crossed a threshold, Joker. If you're not happy with who you are, work to change yourself. With hard work and effort, you can be pretty much anything you choose. You've got a fresh slate. Get busy.
  5. Mugabe's secret police in Zimbabwe use the MP5. They are made and distributed worldwide. it would be easier to compile a list of DOESN'T use the MP5
  6. 5.56 ammunition is pointy, but it'll never be used as a sewing needle. The tip is still blunt, no matter how streamlined the projectile. A knife tip, on the other hand, it VERY pointy. The actual "surface" of the tip of a knife is measured in microns. Combined with your bodyweight and velocity, the pressure on the tip is measured in tons, not pounds. This tip will cut its way through the fibres of a kevlar sheet and the sharpened edge that follows it will slice through the kevlar just as it would through any other material. Thus, knives are a significant danger unless you have a vest specially designed for protection against stabbing. These vests are more medieval than modern.
  7. I'm pleased for Peter Jackson - it is recognition for (at least) 6 years hard work. But I was sad to see so many good films miss out on an Oscar this year - many of which were plainly better than any of the LotR trilogy. Lost in Translation managaed to grab Best Original Screenplay, but quite how Bill Murray lost out to Sean Penn I'll never know. Proof once more that comedy acting will never be recognised by The Acadamy in anything less than a "Lifetime Achievement" rap. Cold Mountain, Mystic River, Sea Biscuit - all badly under-represented in the prize stakes.
  8. The amount of salt in those snacks is enough to give any healthcare professional nightmares. A sure way to a quick death, gentlemen. (I'll keep an eye peeled for them)
  9. Diazepam is known to civilians as "Valium" - it calms a person, therefore slowing the heart rate, enabling fine motor control to be maintained. If you're in a combat zone with gunfire in your earhole and buddies being shot to pieces, you're gonna be stressed in a serious way. The added advantage of being drugged into tranquility would make you a better shot under extreme conditions. I'm not sure if the ARMY/Marines has developed a system to make their snipers unflinchably calm under the most horrific pressure and chaos, but they didn't back then - hence the valium. EDIT: Sorry if I appeared rude to you in my previous post. Armchair warriors who deride the efforts of others without knowing their ###### from their elbow get under my skin. You have my respect for refraining from tearing me a new ######. Once again, my humblest apologies.
  10. Uh, you really, really want to repost those links again. I think somebody with a little too much time on their hands and a...different sense of humour has altered them. EDIT: Tango-Down.net is currently unavailable, with all visitors being redirected to a porn site. The link isn't the problem - the server hosting Tango-net is.
  11. Everybody Hurts - REM I Want To Break Free - Queen Weapon of Choice - Fatboy Slim (The one where Christopher Walken dances)
  12. Aerio, please re-read my post about the M.O. portion of the brain. If you know anything about stress, about the physiological effects of stress, about the methods of controlling those reactions to stress, if you know ANYTHING about acting in a professional manner under pressure, then please share it. Otherwise, keep it to yourself. That 165 yd shot was awesome because nobody died despite large odds against that eventuality. I can hit a torso at 200 yards with a rifle. Being able to hit a ping-pong ball at the same distance with one shot is a different matter.
  13. I think the original estimate of 165 yards was correct. What makes the shot stand out among others is that it was a successful shot targeted at the medulla oblongata. The science: The human body is a wonderful thing. It can accept huge amounts of damage and still function. With regard to hostage rescue, this is a bit of a problem - A gunman with a pistol screwed into the head of a hostage only has to load 4 lbs of pressure onto the trigger to add one more body to the casualty count. Even with a shot to the head, that twitch reflex is still alive and the trigger can still be pulled. In effect, the gunman holds all the cards. The medulla oblongata is the centre of all reflexive movement in the body. This is the piece of brain that controls instinctive flinches like contact with hot steel or the bite from the dog. Send a bullet through that and the unfortunate target drops like a sack of meat: no twitch, no flutter, nothing. Unfortunately, the medulla oblongata is about the size of a ping-pong ball. If you think that shot was easy, think again. Try to imagine shooting a ping pong ball with your first shot knowing that somebody will die if you get it wrong. The slightest hiccup in wind, your zero, pulse or trigger control is now responsible for a persons life. It was one hell of a shot.
  14. Parabellum: I'm glad you like it, sah! Very kind of you to credit me for it too. *salute*
  15. If pre-emptive strikes are allowed: 1) Ask a silly question - "Yoghurt or cheese?" 2) Chinjab to jaw whilst thug considers answer. Unconsiousness will result every time. 3) Run. If the fertiliser has hit the fan: 1) Grab neck with both hands and draw head into my chest. 2) Knee everything until he falls over unconscious. 3) Run. If I am scared for my life and escape isn't an option: 1) Grab neck. Squeeze hard. or 1) Stick thumb in eye. Remove eye. Repeat. or 1) Smile blandly 2) Push head back with left hand, smiling blandly 3) Stab the abdomen repeatedly, smiling blandly. Being imaginative isn't the trick. Keep it simple, keep it offensive, keep it to yourself until you need it.
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