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zeroalpha

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  1. zeroalpha

    vocabulary

    The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's (2003) winners: Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Reintarnation (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Cashtration (n.):The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray painted very, very high. Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness. Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) Karmageddon (n.): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's a totally serious bummer. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. Glibido (n.): All talk and no action. Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. Ignoranus (n.): A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
  2. zeroalpha

    rules for men

    Subject: Manhood Rules 01Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 02 It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss' car. d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e. When she is using her teeth 03 Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates. 04 Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 05 If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 06 Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 07 No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. 08 On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 09 When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11 It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. 12 Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts. 13 Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14 Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever! Issue closed. 15 If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16 Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17 A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18 Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean. 19 If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20 Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21 Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers! 22 Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23 Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24 The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. 25 It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26 Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,orange or sky blue. 27 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28 There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever!
  3. A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." The woman below responded "You must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
  4. According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's probably shouldn't have survived, because ... Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans. When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent 'clackers' on our wheels. (I think you will find they were known as spokey dokeys - some old git wrote this) As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags riding in the passenger seat was a treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same. We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died from this. We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us and no one minded. We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them. We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt. We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones but there were no lawsuits. We had full on fist fights but no prosecution followed from other parents. We played knock-down-ginger and were afraid of the owners catching us. We walked to friend's homes. We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them. Congratulations! Pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good. For those of you who aren't old enough, thought you might like to read about us. This my friends, is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face: The majority of students in universities today were born in 1983........They are called youth. They have never heard of We are the World, We are the children, and the Uptown Girl they know is by Westlife not Billy Joel. They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena or Belinda Carlisle. For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam. AIDS has existed since they were born. CD's have existed since they were born. Michael Jackson has always been white. To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance. They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are Films from last year. They can never imagine life before computers. They'll never have pretended to be the A Team, Red Hand Gang or the Famous Five. They'll never have applied to be on Jim'll Fix It or Why Don't You. They can't believe a black and white television ever existed and don't even know how to switch on a TV without a remote control. And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone. Now let's check if we're getting old... 1. You understand what was written above and you smile. 2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out. 3. Your friends are getting married/already married. 4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers. 5. When you see teenagers with mobile phones, you shake your head. 6. You remember watching Dirty Den in EastEnders the first time around. 7. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good old days, repeating again all the funny stories you have experienced together. 8. Having read this mail, you are thinking of forwarding it to some other friends because you think they will like it too... Yes, you're getting older!!!!
  5. zeroalpha

    the hunt

    Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex." Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either you die or we'll have rough sex." Frank took one look at the size of the bear, reflected on the pain and indignity of his previous experiences at the hands of bears and said "Ok, this time I take death as an option" much to Franks horror the bear turned around and yelled over his shoulder " Come on down guys we are going to shag this guy to death"
  6. zeroalpha

    the hunt

    Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex." Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
  7. late breaking news...FLASH.....snake can count to 2 .........flash .........
  8. snake, check my last post, zoom in to read the secret message
  9. Rocky look away now Snake, Cee U Next Teusday
  10. I use this mod quite a lot but would really be helped if there where some unarmed tangos to test kill affect of various weapons
  11. before I got into multi player I hand altered all the actor files, not all to max points but enough to make the game more playable in SP, if anyone wants I will E mail the altered files to them doing it this way works better with single missions
  12. Maybe snake would like to come and show NYR, Sart and I some of his god like warrior prowess? " ( Snake, prowess isnt powers spelt wrong its a whole new word!)
  13. You may be better off starting on "fire fight" while you get your act together as a team, make sure you all have voice comms (team speak!) stay mod free at first and especially stay away from weapon mods if you want to get into the on-line scene (I got so used to weapons mods in single player that I had a problem when I started multi player ) if you want a real intro to coop come and join us just PM me
  14. Coop play is IMHO one of the best ways to go playing with a mate is cool but wait until you go into a mission and take on the AI with a whole team of friends who are all on voice com! you haven't played this game until you try that!
  15. get Lofty's book have done a course with him "he has been there and done that"
  16. Stewy is right, the 84mm "Charlie G" is fired from the prone position, it comes with a front "T" stand to aid in aiming the 2 man crew then lay at an angle. the down side to this is that the back blast kicks up a ton of crap and identifies your position
  17. Welcome get the PC gold edition and come and join the fun Best advice? read the manual SART, any comments?
  18. good games , sorry i couldnt stay for long
  19. Sorry, afraid not! You need to re do the mission as part of a campaign
  20. zeroalpha

    TK Night

    only one thing to say sart , 17! "
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