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Ghost Recon Future Soldier

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Did I say I HATE airports?

Posted by Sart, 27 November 2011 · 481 views

I swear to god, having to go to an airport is worse than falling into the pits of hell. It's absolutely ridiculous. First I have to drive two hours just to get to the airport, but whatever, that is not even that big of a deal. It's when you get there, oh boy, thats when the rape parade kicks off.

First, theres the parking. I just spent FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS on a flight, just to go a few states north, and now you want to charge me another $16.50 per day just to park my car!? Are you ######ing high!? What the hell am I paying for exactly, it sure ain't jet fuel because I would hope thats where the FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS went. I hope.

And the worse part is, it's not like I have a choice. It's not like I can park across the street, walk across the airfield and into the building and hang on to my well earned $16.50. NO, they have you buy the balls. Once you enter their confusing pan's labyrinth of a parking garage, there is no way out. I ended up spending near $180.00 on just the parking, not to mention the FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS. Oh, and the best part, this was in the economy section. The ######!?

Next is the luggage. I really don't understand how people bring so much ###### on a flight. I was gone for a week and had just a backpack, a small one at that. Then I see this jackass in front of me with three of those annoying bags with the wheels. You know the kind, the ones that people drag behind them, up steps, and bang the ever living hell off of everything. Yeah those. Well, this guy has three of them. Now since he only has two arms and therefore can only drag two of these miscarriages around, he starts stacking them one on top of another and ties them together with a bungie cord. First off, where in the blue hell did he get a bungie cord from. I can probably say they don't sell those in the little airport stores, which means he brought it from home with this luggage master plan already laid out in his head. Now my second point, why does anyone need this much ###### for a trip? I seriously beginning to think I am the only person left in the United States who doesn't pack their entire god-damn home every time I go on a trip. Hey ######, if you didn't bring so much crap on the flight, maybe the plane would get better fuel mileage and I wouldn't have to spend FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS. AEITHFAN4OAF!!!!1

I'm not even going to talk about TSA. "Thanks for serving our country sir! Now take your shoes off." Yeah thanks dick, this isn't my first flight.

Speaking of airport stores, my god. Thirsty? Bring yourself a little drink for the flight? Well ###### you, because that ain't getting past Deputy Donuts working the X-Ray machine. Not only am I getting blasted in the skull with radiation, I'm getting blasted in the ass when I have to spend $3.50 on a can of soda. Only I don't, you see, they give you these tiny, and I mean real tiny drinks on the flight. I'll just stick to that thank you very much. Small victories baby!

Even after spending well over FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS, at least I'm at the flight and past all the security. Because like everyone says, security is the worst part of flying these days. Well they're WRONG because


Take a second and think of everyone in the world that you know. Now, honestly, how many of those people could you stand to be around for more than ten minutes? If your like me, maybe six, and thats pushing it.

By far the worse part of airports is people. It doesn't matter is its the ###### and his bluetooth, or the ###### with the bungie tied luggage, or the ###### who lets his ###### children run around yelling and wasting good air, they all ruin my flying experience. In fact here is a list of cliche "airport asshats". See how many you can recognize! lolz!

- Bluetooth guy
- Luggage guy
- Family with annoying children (see: all)
- Lady whose fat ass takes up two seats
- Guy who goes to the bathroom 14 times per flight
- Lady who has to get in the overhead baggage every five minutes
- Dude who won't stop talking to you even when you keep ignoring him
- The little spawn of Satan who kicks and hangs off the back of your chair
- The people that form the horizontal lines then walk slow as hell
- Lady who needs to use the bathroom and ask you to watch her bag (NOT MY JOB)
- I'm going to play my MP3 player so everyone can enjoy
- I'm going to talk loud enough so everyone can enjoy
- I'm going to mouth breathe loud enough so everyone can enjoy
- I'm going to show you STUPID ######ING PHOTOS OF MY AIHNENJDFPIAN7KDGJA!!!!1one

Oh hey! Remember that drink I was supposed to get during my flight?

Due to the flight time being only 45 minutes, we will not be serving a beverage, however, you may still purchase a beverage at anytime by asking the nearest flight attendant. Thank you!

No, thank you! THERE GOES MY SMALL VICTORY. God forbid my FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS get me a half a Coke! Why the hell you would you offer me the chance to buy one when you just said the flight isn't long enough to justify getting one in the first place!?

There is always some jerk who needs to talk to you during the flight. Just once, JUST ONCE I would like to sit next to an attractive female, but NO. I always get the most annoying, backwoods, southern ######ing bumpkin that ever crawled out of the trailer park sitting next to me. He stinks, he smells like deer, and has shoulder hair. His nasty shoulder hair is touching my shoulder because the god-damn seats are so small. The chunk of my FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS that was supposed to pay for the bigger seats went to the ###### with the bungie luggage!

"Kind of cramped here in the back huh?"

Are you hitting on me Cledus!? SHUT THE ###### UP AND READ SKY-MALL! Yeah it's cramped, it's cramped because I always get the seat in the back shoved between the bathroom and Billy-joe's shoulder hair. Not to mention that the flight attendant who won't serve drinks, but will still go down the isle with the cart incase anyone wants to spend $3.50 on a can of Coke, just hadouken me in the shoulder with the edge of it!

Uuuugh... just a mild aneurysm... nothing more. I always cry blood...

Then you land, and what is the FIRST god-damn thing everyone does? PULL OUT THE CELL PHONES BABY! Seriously, I would rather be water boarded then spend 45 minutes on a plane. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAAAAAHHHHHAAARRRG.

Then everyone pops their safety belts and stands up, even though the flight attendant just said not to do that. Jerkass. I wish once, just once, the plane would hit something. In fact, next time I fly I'm going to slip the pilot a $20 (since my FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS wont cover it) and ask him to slam the breaks on as hard as possible soon as the flight attendant says to remained seated so I can watch half these people suffer a neck injury as they tumble down the isle.

That or fill the cargo with snakes.

Wow, I'm afraid I don't understand. Are you trying to say that you don't like airports?

September 2015

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