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Ghost Recon Future Soldier

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Oh well, maybe next time.

Posted by Sart, 25 November 2011 · 616 views

So Ghost Recon: Scott Mitchell Saves The USA 4 got scrapped for PC, at least thats what I'm picking up from the forums. Looks like no one who owns a computer is going to get to lead Scott and his elite team of THREE OTHER GUYS into battle against FPSRUSSIA... AGAIN. Oh well, not all is lost. Now you can use those extra GBs and install a game UBI doesn't want the PC crew to miss out on, NCIS: THE GAME FROM THE TV SHOW!

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Yeah thats right, your not good enough for a sequel, PC scum. Never mind the fact that the game started on the PC, won game of the year and spawned a series of successful (although stupid) sequels. ###### it.

On a serious note, out of all the people I know who own a console (which is everyone besides me since I'm the nerd of the herd (hah!)), NONE of them own a single Ghost Recon game. ALL of them do however own Battlefield 3 and Call of Duty 6, or 7, or whatever it's on now. To be honest I don't blame them because GHOST RECON SUCKS. The first one was great because it was different then anything out there at the time. Now the series has become another "Four Men VS. The World" shooter. Remember Rainbow Six? Let's take a gander at what happened to that little gem.

1.) Rainbow Six and Rogue Spear come out and the people love them.
2.) UBI The Game Rapist buys RSE and decides it's time for Rainbow Six to get ruined. Everyone in the office cheers.
3.) Raven Shield is released. Never mind the tons of horrible bugs and "patches" that fix one thing and break two others. What ###### me off was the fact that they removed one of the color teams you could assign your men to. Now you only get three to work with. Deal with it.
4.) Now that Rainbow Six has felt just the tip, it's time to shove the whole thing in there. The series SCRAPS THE ENTIRE PLANNING phase, yes thats right HALF OF WHAT MADE THE SERIES AWESOME, and instead decides "Hmm, you know what the FPS fans need another ######ing Four Men VS. The World shooter. The least they could of done was take the game out to a nice lobster dinner first.
5.) "OK, that pretty ######. But we can do more" they say. "What we need to do now is ditch 3/4th of Team Rainbow for no apparent reason and give the remaining ones retarded personalities nobody wants. That'll really ###### em off!" I really, really, really, REALLY hate when games do this. Why dear god has my supposed elite counter terrorism team decided to say "###### it", grow corn-rows, and start using slang on the radio. WHY?
6.) "Why is no one buying our poop game?" Well, probably because ITS THE SAME AS EVERY OTHER SHOOTER OUT THERE RIGHT NOW. "Nah that can't be it. Obviously no one likes these old, boring characters. What we need are the same stereotypical customer insulting characters every other game has!".

Included are -

- The generically named White Guy Leader. Has to have the "All-American" name, you know, the kind the quarterback has from ###### TV shows about football. Must be the voice of reason, even when he doesn't need to be. He must always question the Radio Asian to explain the technical terminology, and further the plot (two things R6 hasn't got right since the intro to Black Thorn). Also needs to tell the Angry Black Guy to "CALM DOWN!" at least six times per cut-scene.

- The Angry Black Guy who has a generically white guy name. It's white because the developers don't want to risk naming the character "Tyrone" and coming off as offending. Must carry a machine gun like every black guy from a Vietnam movie, and complain that this ###### is either "wack", "trippin" or "stoopid". In addition, his answer to everything is shooting, punching, and slang, and receives and constant reminder to "CALM DOWN!" from White Guy Leader. He will also pretend to not know anything that the Radio Asian is saying to give the White Guy Leader a chance to say "Explain!".

- The Radio Asian. If there is anything with an LED on it, he has it, even if it's never used. Because all video game developers are racist, it is assumed that he is super sneaky and knows kung-fu. In addition, his ninja skill make him the man at picking locks, bugging anything, and taking out the enemy without anyone knowing. His plans are usually ruined by Angry Black Guy's yelling and machine gun. He will also explain anything to White Guy Leader to further the plot, even though it never explains how he know himself.

7.) "Oh screw it, just copy Gears of War they got it right... right?" Because thats all Rainbow Six is now, Gears of War with some H&K logos for good measure.

OK, now take everything I've just written and replace "Rainbow Six" with "Ghost Recon"... ta-da!

Dude, you are funny as all heck.

September 2015

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