sybarite Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 heard from the pulpit last Sunday: An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and bathroom suite, with a Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course tranformed to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part; you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like, and you never get fat or sick. This is Heaven." With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!" note: if this has been posted before, I apologize - my search didn't show it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HardRock Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jester Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supasniper Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 (edited) LMAO Edited May 3, 2003 by supasniper86 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 LAMO Nice to see someone else makes that typo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supasniper Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 i never noticed that, cheers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jester Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 LAMO Nice to see someone else makes that typo. Typo? Oh! I get it, now -- you've been spelling that wrong all this time I've known you! It's supposed to be "LMAO". Okay -- whew! I was too embarassed to ask -- I thought it was some Scottish thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 Typo? Oh! I get it, now -- you've been spelling that wrong all this time I've known you! Yeh, LOL, I used to correct it, now I don't bother. LAMO sounds funnier than LMAO, although it actually doesn't stand for anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supasniper Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 I was too embarassed to ask -- I thought it was some Scottish thing. there are enough of those as it is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruin Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 LAMO Nice to see someone else makes that typo. ROLF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the.ronin Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 excellent. another reason for me to not quit smoking (i guess this assumes ill end up in heaven tho ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuchillo* Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 The.ronin "excellent. another reason for me to not quit smoking " CHEERS. p.s.ROFLMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the.ronin Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 (edited) caveat emptor ... or whatever the hell you call it ... particularly to the under-18's out there ... smoking sucks ### ... you run out of breath real quick and they cost a lot of money now. a predominance of hot chicks do not dig it. there. now i dont feel so corrupting. oh yeah that goes for cigarettes too. Edited May 4, 2003 by the.ronin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sybarite Posted May 4, 2003 Author Share Posted May 4, 2003 wow! this thread's been derailed! so... one of those "Scottish things" --- The old Beadle had held office for the best part of a lifetime. As he lay on his deathbed he summoned his son to leave him some words of advice. "Listen ti yir auld faither, John" he said "A hae been beadle here fir fowertie yeir an mair an A hae been thinkin that thai micht mak ye ma successor. Weill, ma son, A hae juist ane bittie o advice fir ti gie ye." After a long pause he finished with impassioned gravity " John, nevvir forget this - Resist aw impruivements." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Slink Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 wow! this thread's been derailed! <groans> So priests are that bad huh? how's this: ROTFLMAOASTDS-L? (Roll On The Floor Laughing My @@$ Off And Scaring The Dog S--t-Less) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.