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Yodasplat

My cats are psychos

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This is not something out of a book or a web site. This is story of my life. Everyday business in my messy house. Just thought I would vent :lol:

I am stuck here (NJ) with a big mortgage, a fix-her-upper house from hell, and 2 obsessive-compulsive demonic-crapping cats (they crap stuff the size of truck tires, I know this for a fact cause I gotta throw away pounds over pounds of the stuff every other day). :blink:

My male cat sux the living ###### out of his pillow for hours before falling asleep (I almost think it's a form of masturbation but I can't really prove it so he hasn't been punished with my mom's cure for "horny pets": bucket of cold water). :ph34r:

My female cat is schizo cause one moment she is purring the hell out of her guts rubbing herself over my ankles so hard they hurt and the next moment she looks at me like I am some distasteful man-sized blob of bio-matter just out of a sewer, before running away at 300 mph. :huh:

Aren't cats fun? ... lots. yesterday he (the male cat) jumped in a laundry basket so I picked up the basket thinking he would bolt out as soon as he felt it moving. But he didn't ..

So to my wife's horror I started spinning it and jolting it up and down, thinking he would get scared and jump out.

Instead to my annoyed surprise he hung on for dear life and looked like he was having a world of fun.

I figured out too late that he was using me as a free rollercoaster so I capsized it and dumped him on his furry ###### in the hallway.

He snorted at me and walked away, offended, furry chin in the air (back to sucking his pillow I bet).

One of this days I am going to see how hard it is to drill a hole in his skull with my black & decker. <_<

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:o

LMAO you ol' meanie!!! kitty.gif

but seriously- why do they run off at ballistic speeds? My cat does it too! Acts crazed half the time.

I've a possible thought on the sucking thing- just like all males, I think it's more a product of weaning... an oral fixation, if you will. ;)

nala6yawnsm.jpg my cat. Ain't she sweet lookin' ?

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I gotta show that pic to my wife. :D

That's one mean-looking pussycat.

My cats don't look mean. They just look ... stubborn.

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i hear ya Yoda i have two female siamese cats nasty short tempered spitefull things that only want to know me when its to their advantage and the 3rd cat is a siamese persian cross and totaly diferent to the girls hes a suck hes huge, also has a habit of running up curtains and shower curtains he drools and also allows my 3 kids to do what ever they want with him, including dragging his sleeping ###### all over the house on a towel.

one annoyinh habit of my 7 year old siamese is she likes to share my dinner and if i dont allow it shell run by and steal what ever she can, her most crafty trick is to wait patiently till one of us puts a sandwich down then promply steal the filling out of it,

also recently we had to stop letting her out as ive been threatened by my neighbours to do somthing about her , she has a nasty habit of beating up cats and small dogs and also stealing food and feather dusters from their houses,i mean is it my fault they dont lock their cat flaps or what ?

Edited by snakebite1967

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LOL, funny story Yoda.

Unfortunately I am one of those people who find cats a bit scary. I think I saw a horror film when I was a little bit too young and it has scared me for life.

That and the little ###### ###### on my car.

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Scary? My cats are not scary. They are paranoid. They are obtuse. They are annoying. They stink (they do). And sometimes they are cute.

What is scary is not them or what they do... it's what comes out of them. That is UNNATURAL :blink:

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also has a habit of running up curtains and shower curtains he drools
omg a drooling cat? that is too funny. :P

i gave up on cats years ago and bought snakes instead. :lol:

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i gave up on cats years ago and bought snakes instead.   :lol:

and you fed them the cats :devil:

lol... no my last cat was so evil he would have eaten the small snake as a snack then chow down on the big one for dinner. this cat was so bad we actually had to give him away. kind of turned me off cats for awhile at least. :wacko:

Edited by XRW_Hotdog

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I like cats. Best companion I ever had. He'd come down in the morning and wake me up for school. Stay with me till I fell asleep. And just sat behind me (on the couch) and slept.

I think you all got stuck with the worst of the bunch.

Cats are great, they don't drool (well, most anyway), pant, bark.. and best of all.. they don't take up space! :)

Speaking of cats in towel, we had this trick with a kitten I had in Beirut... :) We'd stuff her in a sock (she was small and I have big feet.. sheesh) and watch her crawl out. It was hysterical, she was this head poking out of a sock. :hehe:

Another cat I saw today (on AFV no less) got tis self stuck in the cieling, and the owners had to break part of it to get it out.

They're crafty little buggers.

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My dogs like to use cats as chew toys!!! :D:hehe:

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My dogs like to use cats as chew toys!!! :D:hehe:

do your cats like to user your dogs as scratch posts? :P

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ya the sock trick is a favourite of my kids except they put the sock on the cats head and watch it back up swaying from side to side , kids are evil i tell ya.

and im not sure why he drools it only happens when he purrs which probaly wouldnt be so bad but when hes purring he likes to rub his drool soaked face against yours

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That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time and that pic of that cat is nightmare material! The scary cat movie for me was "Pet Cemetary". Do you all remember that movie? I still hate cats because of that movie. I thank God for my German Shepherd - Gabriel. He keeps all those demonic cats far away from the house. :o

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My cat is great, but he has these really annoying "love bites" as I call him. Whenever I pet him, he likes to grab hold of my fingers and nibble for some reason, it doesn't really hurt, but I would really rather just pet him instead of him biting me...

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My cat is great, but he has these really annoying "love bites" as I call him. Whenever I pet him, he likes to grab hold of my fingers and nibble for some reason, it doesn't really hurt, but I would really rather just pet him instead of him biting me...

hehe ... not to worry. My male cat does the same. It's affectionate. Not violent. It's a game for him...

Either that or he's got an oral fixation ... :o

*Yoda runs to wash his fingers... thoroughly*

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I really like cats too, unfortunetely I am alergic to them, that and anything with hair. I can be with em for about 2 minutes before I start sneezing and it's downhill from there. So I had a fish.... but it died. :( His name was Mr. Fish. Very sad. Anyway, now I'm thinking of making a program for the computer that simulates and cat. Plus you don't have to take care of it and clean up after it. :D What about a Ghost Recon mod about cats. That'd be cool. Anyone see the play, Catz? eheh. :P

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had a fish.... but it died.  His name was Mr. Fish. Very sad. Anyway, now I'm thinking of making a program for the computer that simulates and cat. Plus you don't have to take care of it and clean up after it.
remember Seaman on the SEGA Dreamcast? that would have been perfect for you. :P mind you he develops a bit of an attitude as he grows lol.

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My dogs like to use cats as chew toys!!!  :D  :hehe:

do your cats like to user your dogs as scratch posts? :P

LOL We don't have cats for two reasons.... The dogs like to use them as chew toys :devil: and my daughter is allergic to them..... :(

My female dog will go crazy if you even mention a "kitty kitty". This afternoon she took off after one and the kids had trouble calling her back..... She is obsessed.... :o=

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mom's cure for "horny pets": bucket of cold water

Yes, although my cat has never done anything to deserve that, my dogs used to get the hose treatment if they cause a storm of barking. One hose down usually keeps 'em shut for a whole 24 hrs...then its back to the wash again...O well, fleas were never a problem at least...

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LOL zjj! That sounds just like our dog. He HATES cats! He even attacks the TV when the kids are watching "Funniest Animal Videos", usually at the prompting of XS! Then I've got all the slobber to clean and .....well, it just isn't pretty. He has also gone through several screens on the sliding glass door to the backyard after CATS! They just roam everywhere and they walk on the car and leave tracks, the pee on my flowers and oh! the other day one drug a dead bird into my friends Jeep, she had the top off and it was there in the back seat for days before she knew it. It was smelling (been in the Hawaiian sun all that time!). Anyway, uh-oh....I'm rambling...sorry... :(

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watching "Funniest Animal Videos"

Speaking of watching TV... We had this one dog that would sit and watch TV. He loved The Animal Planet Station. Anytime a show came on that had animals, didn't matter what kind but he preferred shows with dogs, he would sit in front of the TV and watch. :lol:

We then went and trained him to watch TV on command! LOL He was so funny to watch... guess you had to be there. :D

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guess you had to be there.

Probably. :):hehe:

There si one thing I msut admit I prefer about dogs over cats... their stupidity. It neve ceases to amaze me of some of the stupid lousy ###### things a dog will do. But what they hey, they're loads of fun to laugh at! :lol: I love it... dogs do things a cat wold never do. Chase your own tail? Come on... even worse, barking at your shadow? Fetching? What kind of lowlife does that... sheesh.

:D

I still want a Husky... :( Part husky part wolf.. abeautiful dog...mmmn.. anyway.

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